Recovering from Perfectionism
It can be hard to see perfectionism as a problem.
You might really value your ability to set and reach your goals, be super organized, persevere when others would have given up.
Those can be really great qualities and it’s true that some perfectionist tendencies can be healthy, some of the time.
How do you know when it’s gone past the point of being an asset?
Are you Perfectly Miserable?
When the standard you set for yourself is crushing you, it’s time to ask for help. If the very idea of making a mistake is enough to bring you to tears, I want you to know: life doesn’t have to feel like this.
Some beliefs common when you’re operating from a perfectionist mindset:
- “I cannot let people see me upset.
- “I’ll never be _____ enough.” (Thin, smart, rich, attractive, successful enough…)
- “I have too much to be thankful for to be sad or complaining about my life.”
- “If people disapprove of me, it’s crushing and I must avoid it at all costs.”
- “Being sad is weak and weakness is bad.”
Perfectionism can manifest in depression/“smiling depression”, anxiety, disordered eating, and other negative, treatable outcomes.
“How do I know if I’m a Perfectionist?”
Perfectionism may have been with you always, or it may have snuck up on you later in life. It’s different than just being really good at things. Each story is unique, but perfectionism tends to take root in fear of rejection and feelings of shame, and it can create unbearable pain. Therapy can help you heal those wounds.
Clues that you may have a perfectionist mindset:
- Labeling some emotions as bad and some as good (i.e. black & white thinking)
- You did the work, but didn’t turn it in because it wasn’t your best work.
- It’s highly distressing if you have to deviate from your schedule.
- Feeling judgement and contempt for others while also feeling like you’ll never be good enough.
You, and all of your emotions, are worthy of being seen and loved.
You’re allowed to feel sad, angry, tired, and to only smile when you’re truly happy. You’re allowed to be unproductive while knowing you’re 100% valuable.
You’re a human being, not a human doing. Therapy can help you learn to tolerate and even embrace your full range of emotions, on your way to developing a more authentic relationship with yourself and others.
